Is Your Anger Out of Control?
Do You Have a Short Fuse, Temper?
Do you find yourself getting angry more quickly? Do you then behave in a way that makes the situation worse? These and other behaviours are a sign that you need help with your response to your anger, frustration and irritation.
Typically the following experiences can lead to your anger bursting through..
- treated unfairly
And it’s horribly to experience any of those things because it can feel like an assault on your self worth and your value.
What is the Problem with Getting Angry?
Absolutely nothing. Anger is a healthy emotion. The problem is how you react to your feelings of anger or outrage. An unhealthy reaction would be to :-
- Physically threaten someone
- Verbally abuse them
- Destroy things nearby
- Sabotage your life
- Feel the need for revenge
The result of an unhealthy reaction to anger is that you may…
- Be arrested for destruction of property
- Lose your personal relationship because they fear you
- Scare your children
- Lose your job, home and family
- Hurt someone physically
- Turn to alcohol or drugs
- Have extra-marital affairs
So why Do I React Badly to Anger?
There can be many causes for not behaving well when you feel angry. Some of those causes are :-
1. Your upbringing
You have learnt to behave badly to feelings of anger by seeing a parent, teacher or sibling do this. You have learnt, through nurture, to mimic what we see around us. If Mum gets angry and throws things around in the kitchen, we learn that this is the way to be when we are angry. Unhealthy reactions to anger, in this example, have been learnt in childhood.
2. Temper Tantrums Rewarded
Again during childhood, you may have learnt that you get what you want if you stamp your feet and show your temper to your parents. After a while of having a tantrum, Dad may just give you what you want in order to restore peace to the family home. In doing so, Dad is giving you an unexpected lesson. He is teaching you that having a temper gets you what you want. Your anger is rewarded and you learn to use this same winning strategy over and over again.
The problem is that now you have become an adult, this strategy rarely works anymore. It gets you into trouble and because it fails you may experience depression.
3. You Don’t Know Any Better
You may not have discovered that the feeling of anger is a perfectly healthy emotion. It is telling you that something is wrong (i.e. unfair, unjust etc). In that moment of feeling anger you may be at a loss to know what to do about it. You have learnt to suppress it. Somehow your feelings of anger or reactions to it have been squashed by someone else. So now you push it down and try to hide your anger.
This is an unhealthy response to anger and can lead to depression or physical issues such as ulcers, high-blood pressure and even IBS (Irritible Bowel Syndrome).
4. Inherited Characteristics
Although we are still learning about what we inherit from our ancestors, there is a possibility that you have inherited your anger response from an older relative. You may have never met them but some scientists believe we inherit characteristics and traits from past generations. However, just because you may be like your Great-Grandfather it doesn’t mean you have to remain a victim of that likeness.
5. Historical Traumatic Events
A shorter-fuse to feelings of anger may be caused by past events and experiences that weren’t dealt with properly. An example might be that you weren’t allowed to visit a dying relative in hospital even though you had been emotionally close to them. The hurt and anger you would have felt can simmer for years and years and burst out at anytime unless you seek help to release it.
6. You Bottle Your Emotions
You may be someone who has learnt to hide their feelings and emotions. Men in past generations were expected to be emotionless and almost robotic in their role to protect and provide for the family. You may have heard expressions such as “You need to man up“” or “Boys will be boys” or “Real men don’t cry, they get even“.
Women also have anger issues and be equally a victim of historical events and experiences.
If men weren’t meant to show emotions, and dare I say it, cry, they wouldn’t have been given the ability to do so.
When a man can show his emotions, it is a strength not a weakness. As a result, he is likely to have a better reaction to his feelings of anger.
7. A Build Up of Frustration
Bad responses to anger can be triggered by a build up of events that have not been addressed. Sometime it can be the smallest of events that takes you over the edge and what you might call “the last straw”. You react in a way that is disproportional to that small event but because of all the other unfinished business your tolerance level has been breached and you can’t hold it in anymore.
After this your anger comes out in unhealthy ways more quickly and frequently. You feel like you are at bursting point most of the time.
Lives Get Ruined
Left untreated, people’s lives get ruined by being unable to react to anger in a healthy way. Not only can your life be turned upside down, but the lives of your partner, wife, husband and children may change forever.
You may mistakenly believe that anger management means that you no longer experience anger or, if you do feel angry, you don’t show it. This is not true. Anger management is aimed at your response (eg. behaviour) to the feeling of anger, and not to the anger itself.
A stitch in time definitely saves nine. In other words, don’t wait for it to get worse before you do something about it.
You may find this hard to accept and believe with your feelings of shame, embarrassment and anxiety, but more often than not, you are not to blame for the cause of your anger issues. However, as an adult you are now responsible and you don’t have to be a victim of your anger reactions anymore and neither do your loved ones.
You can feel good again and regain your own sense of self worth and pride and that of your loved ones too.
Therapy for Anger Issues
So come along and have a chat with me, Steven Harold, and together we will find a way forward. I will help you to change and feel more in control and the courage to be yourself. You will benefit and so will your family, friends and loved ones.
I believe that your life and your happiness is far too important to be left to chance. You have every right to live a happy, secure and thriving life and it all begins with you. You do have more choices then you think you have.
The intial 30 minute consultation is free of charge and without obligation.
Just call me on 01773 436796 or email at [email protected] today before it’s too late.