Is Your Anger Out of Control?

Do You Have a Short Fuse, Temper?

Do you find yourself getting angry more quickly? Do you then behave in a way that makes the situation worse? These and other behaviours are a sign that you need help with your response to your anger, frustration and irritation.

Typically the following experiences can lead to your anger bursting through..

disrespected
ignored
deceived
treated unfairly
invalidated
belittled
attacked

And it’s horribly to experience any of those things because it can feel like an assault on your self worth and your value.

What is the Problem with Getting Angry?

Absolutely nothing. Anger is a healthy emotion. The problem is how you react to your feelings of anger or outrage. An unhealthy reaction would be to :-

Physically threaten someone
Verbally abuse them
Destroy things nearby
Self-harm
Sabotage your life
Feel the need for revenge

The result of an unhealthy reaction to anger is that you may…

Be arrested for destruction of property
Lose your personal relationship because they fear you
Scare your children
Lose your job, home and family
Hurt someone physically
Turn to alcohol or drugs
Have extra-marital affairs

So why Do I React Badly to Anger?

There can be many causes for not behaving well when you feel angry. Some of those causes are :-

1. Your upbringing

You have learnt to behave badly to feelings of anger by seeing a parent, teacher or sibling do this. You have learnt, through nurture, to mimic what we see around us. If Mum gets angry and throws things around in the kitchen, we learn that this is the way to be when we are angry. Unhealthy reactions to anger, in this example, have been learnt in childhood.

2. Temper Tantrums Rewarded

Again during childhood, you may have learnt that you get what you want if you stamp your feet and show your temper to your parents. After a while of having a tantrum, Dad may just give you what you want in order to restore peace to the family home. In doing so, Dad is giving you an unexpected lesson. He is teaching you that having a temper gets you what you want. Your anger is rewarded and you learn to use this same winning strategy over and over again.

The problem is that now you have become an adult, this strategy rarely works anymore. It gets you into trouble and because it fails you may experience depression.

3. You Don’t Know Any Better

You may not have discovered that the feeling of anger is a perfectly healthy emotion. It is telling you that something is wrong (i.e. unfair, unjust etc). In that moment of feeling anger you may be at a loss to know what to do about it. You have learnt to suppress it. Somehow your feelings of anger or reactions to it have been squashed by someone else. So now you push it down and try to hide your anger.

This is an unhealthy response to anger and can lead to depression or physical issues such as ulcers, high-blood pressure and even IBS (Irritible Bowel Syndrome).

4. Inherited Characteristics

Although we are still learning about what we inherit from our ancestors, there is a possibility that you have inherited your anger response from an older relative. You may have never met them but some scientists believe we inherit characteristics and traits from past generations. However, just because you may be like your Great-Grandfather it doesn’t mean you have to remain a victim of that likeness.

5. Historical Traumatic Events

A shorter-fuse to feelings of anger may be caused by past events and experiences that weren’t dealt with properly. An example might be that you weren’t allowed to visit a dying relative in hospital even though you had been emotionally close to them. The hurt and anger you would have felt can simmer for years and years and burst out at anytime unless you seek help to release it.

6. You Bottle Your Emotions

You may be someone who has learnt to hide their feelings and emotions. Men in past generations were expected to be emotionless and almost robotic in their role to protect and provide for the family. You may have heard expressions such as “You need to man up“” or “Boys will be boys” or “Real men don’t cry, they get even“.

Women also have anger issues and be equally a victim of historical events and experiences.

If men weren’t meant to show emotions, and dare I say it, cry, they wouldn’t have been given the ability to do so.

When a man can show his emotions, it is a strength not a weakness. As a result, he is likely to have a better reaction to his feelings of anger.

7. A Build Up of Frustration

Bad responses to anger can be triggered by a build up of events that have not been addressed. Sometime it can be the smallest of events that takes you over the edge and what you might call “the last straw”. You react in a way that is disproportional to that small event but because of all the other unfinished business your tolerance level has been breached and you can’t hold it in anymore.

After this your anger comes out in unhealthy ways more quickly and frequently. You feel like you are at bursting point most of the time.

Lives Get Ruined

Left untreated, people’s lives get ruined by being unable to react to anger in a healthy way. Not only can your life be turned upside down, but the lives of your partner, wife, husband and children may change forever.

Anger Management

You may mistakenly believe that anger management means that you no longer experience anger or, if you do feel angry, you don’t show it. This is not true. Anger management is aimed at your response (eg. behaviour) to the feeling of anger, and not to the anger itself.

A stitch in time definitely saves nine. In other words, don’t wait for it to get worse before you do something about it.

You may find this hard to accept and believe with your feelings of shame, embarrassment and anxiety, but more often than not, you are not to blame for the cause of your anger issues. However, as an adult you are now responsible and you don’t have to be a victim of your anger reactions anymore and neither do your loved ones.

You can feel good again and regain your own sense of self worth and pride and that of your loved ones too.

Therapy for Anger Issues

So come along and have a chat with me, Steven Harold, and together we will find a way forward. I will help you to change and feel more in control and the courage to be yourself. You will benefit and so will your family, friends and loved ones.

I believe that your life and your happiness is far too important to be left to chance. You have every right to live a happy, secure and thriving life and it all begins with you. You do have more choices then you think you have.

The intial 30 minute consultation is free of charge and without obligation.

Just call me on 01773 436796 or email at steve@hypno-therapist.com today before it’s too late.

Alison Stevenson

20:44 13 Nov 20

After smoking for over 15 years, Steven changed me into a non-smoker within one hypnotherapy session. I felt free as a bird and could not have been more thankful.

Benjamin Shaffrey

21:49 08 Nov 20

I went to see Steve for several sessions back in 2015 due to persistent problems with anxiety and depression. I had at that point never seen a hypnotherapist before and it turned out to have a very positive effect on my overall situation. The sessions with Steve really helped me to gradually move out of the persistent low moods I'd been experiencing, and to develop a more wholesome and sustainable way of navigating difficult thoughts and emotions.I found Steve to be a very warm and compassionate therapist who listened to me with great care and who really took the time to learn more about me and what I was having difficulty with. I would thoroughly recommend him to anyone struggling with similar or related issues.

Aj Breeze

13:27 16 Oct 20

Steve- I keep meaning to get in touch, but life is always so busy! I have not had a cigarette since our session, which is about 2 months now. In this time I have started a new job, been on holiday, got very drunk and finished by postgraduate diploma and due to start my Masters dissertation. So, I think they are some things that would trigger wanting a cigarette! But no!The funny thing is, since our session I have changed quite a few habits and I’m not sure if that is using some of the things we talked about or the hypnosis... but I hardly drink anymore, in fact I haven’t had a drink for a couple of weeks and have no desire for it, particularly. Of course, I’m sure there will be times I get drunk. I’ve lost weight and been exercising regularly. I feel a lot more positive generally and healthier and prioritise differently! I think my kids like me more this way, too! 😂 they did encourage me to stop drinking and smoking.So, really it’s a big thank you to you for helping me on my journey. I have recommended you to various people so hopefully you could help them too!

Jill Wright

16:08 28 Aug 20

I went to see Steve for help with a debilitating fear of heights which I had struggled with all my life. Walking in hills was becoming impossible and I couldn’t even help my grandchildren on a slide. I had begun to avoid situations were I might come upon a sudden drop or be challenged in a way that filled me with terror if I had to face a high place, such as inside a tall building or a bridge. Anyone with a similar problem or phobia understands what this does to your confidence and self esteem, not to mention those around you, who have to observe or deal with the consequences. Steve introduced me to EFT (Tapping) and the positive results were almost instantaneous. I worked hard at home to get the hang of the technique, between our weekly sessions, and after 4 weeks the anxiety and stress that even thinking about heights caused, was gone. Steve worked with me to use the Tapping so I can cope when faced with actual challenges and tailor it to meet whatever situation I am faced with, not just heights. I now consider myself someone who HAD a fear of heights. I will always be grateful to Steve for helping me reach this outcome through his caring approach, in a safe environment. Thank you Steve.

Marita Haley

10:28 24 Aug 20

I saw Steve way back in 2002 and it remains to this day the best money I have ever spent! I’d never been to a hypnotherapist before and was pretty sceptical about it but really wanted help to quit smoking. Two hours later I was walking back to the train and thinking that it was a big waste of time, I didn’t feel different, I had smokes in my bag and I thought I wanted one.....I could not physically touch that pack of cigarettes. I got home and had my flatmate take them out of my bag. Both my flatmates smoked and I thought I’d never be able to quit in that environment. I have not had a cigarette since that day. No cravings, no thinking about it, nothing. I can’t believe I was ever a smoker. Steve Harold is the man to see if you want to stop smoking!

Corey Newell

10:02 13 Mar 20

Steve Is a very friendly and professional Hypnotherapist and has helped to get my anxiety under control and given me the tools to deal with it in the future.I recommend his services to anyone struggling with anxiety.

Gillian Duncan

15:50 21 May 19

Steve has helped me to help myself, to manage both over thinking and stress. I recommend him to anyone and will not hesitate to see him again if needed. Thank you Steve.

George Lomas

09:28 25 Apr 19

Steve is a warm and caring individual and I would highly recommend him

Mike Photogmike

17:29 11 Sep 18

I met Steve Harold for help some years back after the most traumatic event of waking from a coma and finding my body had been crushed to some degree in a very near fatal head on road accident. To say I was a mess, is a massive understatement. Police were told that night to expect a maximum of 2 hours of life with how I was! Everything that mattered, from career, to relationship, to physical abilities were marred or gone. And I had to survive the onslaught of extensive post trauma and a 5 year legal battle over losses and blame. Steven was one crucial element in a very emotional rebuilding process that moved me to where I am today. His many professional skills and encouraged appointments built my mind and spirit to a place which kept me surviving, as the years to gain my innocence alone would leave many crumbling. To anyone who can relate to this, Steve's help was a key element in the early rebuilding stages that has made me smile at life again, had me keep going through something that seemed like an eternity to go through. Weirdly, I am doing things with my life again, I would never had thought possible, from the physical to work interests. I have beaten all medical prognosis expectations. One thing this has taught me is that the first step is always with the person it is about (you) and if you need to 'lean' on people such as Steve Harold, rest assured, more steps to where you need to be in your life will come with his standard and coached direction. I am a mark of his abilities to help an individual. And if ever I start smoking, I'll use him too to stop! Thank you as always Steven.

William M

13:32 22 Jun 18

I tried to give up smoking many times, doing the usual methods (read the book, abstained&failed) and never really gave up, after a beer I'd be smoking again. I then met Harold who tailored a session based on my needs and after one session I gave up, completely. Prior to my session I was a sceptic, however my success and the subsequent success of others that I know that went to Harold, proves that his method and process works. I would highly recommend seeing him.

Mary Yiannouzis

13:04 18 Sep 17

I had been smoking cigarettes for 25 years when I made the decision that, even though I liked smoking, I wanted to stop. And that was the problem - I liked it, I just didn't want to do it anymore, and therefore I didn't feel I had the willpower to stop. A friend recommended Steve to me, the timing was perfect, so I booked in one session. I smoked all the way there in the car, I left, I felt no different, I didn't even particularly feel like I had made a change, but I threw away the remainder of my packet of cigarettes and I have never smoked again - that was 18 months ago.It has been EASY. I haven't had one moment of wanting a cigarette. I don't know why anyone would put themselves through trying to do it on their own when one session with Steve makes it SO easy. Steve helped me change my life - I could not recommend him more.